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When we’re truly assertive, “we focus only on ourselves without making the other person wrong,” Farris said. This is different from starting sentences with “you,” which can put people on the defensive. She shared these examples of statements you can say: 3. Farris suggested applying this saying in 12-step programs to your situation: “You didn’t cause it, you can’t control and you can’t cure it.” That is, what the other person is saying or doing isn’t about you.
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